I'll Speak Truth, Just for the Sake of It
by YumeMusouka
Summary: Eren Jaeger has lost his mother. He knows that he should be strong, but somehow he can't. He wants to be, but doesn't want to. The person who stands by him is his boyfriend. Levi.


**Hi guys! I havent been online in forever! I miss you guys so much. First of all, this will hurt ur feelers. Second of all, this story is real. I replaced people in my life with characters. Because this is first POV, it'll be a bit different. Anyways, please enjoy.**

It all happened so fast. I could say that I was in denial, but that wasn't it. It was something else. It was something I couldn't voice correctly. No matter how smart I may have been, no matter how many tests I aced, no matter how many people praised me, this was a truth I couldn't comprehend. The lips drawn onto my face, a gift from her, couldn't say it. But it had to, before it was too late. It had to, before there were more regrets. It had to, before it was real.

I stared at my hand that held her immobilized one. She hadn't woken up since it happened. They said that she fell and fainted, but that wasn't it. She couldn't breathe and was suffering with brain damage. The cause was an uncommon disease that constricted her blood vessels. I bit my lips as I shook with sorrow. I intertwined our fingers as I forced myself to open my lips. My voice was broken, but still usable.

"G- g-... goodbye, mom. I love you," I whispered quietly. "I'll be okay. Good… bye."

I told her how I envisioned my future. I reiterated how much I loved my boyfriend. I was going to be with him in the future with kids. I knew that she had a hard time accepting him, but I also knew that she loved me. She would want me to be happy. I talked about my dreams. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to write stories that touched people's hearts. I was going to college to study how to do just that. I also told her my regrets. I told her about the fears I kept to myself. I waited for her to scold me for being stupid, but all I had in return was silence. That was wrong, I meant, all I had in return was the beeping of the machines hooked up to her and… my own cries.

I turned my back to her and walked out the door. We decided the day before to let her go. There was virtually no chance for her to survive. Even if she did, she wouldn't had been able to go back to her original life. There was a consensus to take her off the machines that merely stopped her from passing away. I, personally, did not want to see my mother in pain. They told us that she had seizures overnight, repeatedly. Every movement she made was a sign of brain damage. Without a doubt, I cringed every time. I knew that I didn't want her to suffer, and yet, it was so hard to say goodbye.

I walked into the family waiting room. I ignored my sister who was asking if I was okay. I pulled out my phone and looked at the time. If it was a normal day, I would be leaving school soon. I flinched as my phone vibrated. I looked at my new text message. It was from Levi, my boyfriend. We were both seniors in high school. We rode the same bus and had been friends for years. We started dating almost two months ago. Levi messaged that he would be at the hospital soon. I smiled weakly, hoping for him to come faster.

I silently watched as cousins came and went. They were waiting for the nurses to finish changing my mother into traditional clothes for her passing. I stared at the glass door, waiting for familiar faces to appear. Levi showed up with Hanji and Erwin, our friends. Erwin's mother, Petra, walked behind them. I greeted them and sat down with them. Petra hugged me tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Eren," she cried.

I could only nod. Was I supposed to say "thank you?" If it were anyone else, I would've said "right, because it's all your fault?" Petra sat back and let me conversed with my peers. I sat down with a grin. I looked at Hanji and Erwin.

"Alright, so family gossip. My oldest sister, my crazy oldest sister, you know… the one who lives in California? So we told her what happened and she said that this wasn't her problem. She's not going to come up here, because she can't drop everything. Even if she did come up here, there was nothing she could do. My dad called her and yelled at her saying that's her mother and she should care. My dad was so pissed off," I laughed.

"That… that… I don't know what to say about that. That's your family… still," Hanji struggled to not insult my sister.

"Wow," Erwin replied with a slow nod of his head.

"It's okay, we all know, she's a bitch," I assured them.

"K-den," Hanji exclaimed.

"I'm telling you, your family should just disown her already," Levi grunted.

"My parents still love her," I replied as a matter of fact.

"So… When do we get to see your mom?" Erwin questioned.

"I'm pretty sure that they're still changing her. They'll come by when they're done. They would never let her pass without telling me," I answered.

Soon, we were able to see my mother. Her room was full of cousins who were crying. I walked in and offered each and every one of my friends to talk with my mother. Then all of us siblings held on to my mother as they were about to take her off the machines. Levi grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. Dread filled my heart. I watched as my mother's breathing slowed. Her face shifted to blue and pale. Her hand was slowly turning into ice. I squeezed Levi's hand as I watched my mother took her last breath. I turned around and hugged Levi tightly. I didn't give a shit that I was leaving snot on him. He was my boyfriend and he couldn't deny me that privilege just because he was a clean freak. Levi wiped my tears away and hugged me back. He told me that "it will be okay." That was a line that I repeated to myself as a child. It felt relieving to have someone else say it to me.

I watched as they took my mother's body away. I wanted to break down. I wanted to hide in a corner of my room. But there was no time to rest. Them cousins had the fucking audacity to invite themselves over because it was "tradition." We had to clean the house and we had to cook for them. Everything was shoved into my room since it was closest to the living room. I stared on at my siblings, unable to take in information. Them cousins were supposed to come everyday. It goes without saying, that I ran away to Levi's very often.

I returned to school after two days of missing it. One for my mother's passing and another for grieving. Levi, no matter how mean he looked, really cared. He ditched school to be with me too.

The teachers told me that I didn't have to worry about the finals. I just had to go through them and if I did bad, it wouldn't affect my grade. I laughed and complied. In truth, it pissed me off. I came back to school, ready to study. My mom would've wanted that. She would've said that it was my job to study. By telling me that it didn't matter, meant that they wanted me to use my mother's passing as an excuse to not study for the finals. They decided that without discussing it with me. As a retort, I aced all my finals.

School was coming to an end. Graduation was coming close. My mother was… forever gone. There was no time to break down and cry, not with them cousins around. When I was hugging my mother's lifeless body, at the hospital, an elder lady pushed me away. She said that they had to see what my mother was wearing. I just nodded my head, but I was thinking… "Okies den, bitch. Just fucking push me, bitch ass mother fucker." That lady had a face of a gorilla. The day my mother passed, my cousins left saying that it was so sad. I, now, no longer have a mom. They hugged me and I hugged back thinking, "No fucking shit, Sherlock." Them rude cousins just come by to eat and talk shit. I hated them so much, but I promised my mother that I would protect her from them. I told her that I would be nice to them because that was what dad wanted. My father wanted her to pass on in the traditional way.

However, there was something inside of me that made not want to help out. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to go on a walk around a lake. Levi wouldn't let me go by myself. A part of me felt the need to go though. When I was finally by myself, I went on that walk. Levi found out and told me that he was going to come too. In my alone time, I watched baby mallard ducklings swimming after their mother. I saw baby fishes on the edge of the lake, escaping large predators. There were pretty flowers along the trail. Families happily conversed as they walked. The sight was just beautiful.

Levi came and we went to go sit on our favorite bench. I looked around, again, admiring how beautiful the place was. Then I remembered why I wanted to go on that walk. My mom used to ask if I wanted to go on a walk with her. My answer was always the same, "no." I looked around, and there wasn't a single person walking by themselves. I leaned on Levi's shoulder. I wondered, how did my mom feel seeing all these beautiful things with no one to share it with. How could I have been so selfish and childish? The last time I talked to her, we were arguing over something stupid. I wouldn't have the chance to give her a birthday present. I wouldn't be able to hold her hands anymore. I would never hear her voice ever again.

I cried, staring at the beauty of nature in front of me. Levi felt my tears fall onto him and looked at me. He wiped away my tears.

"This why I didn't want you to come!" I cried.

"Tsk, brat, I'm your boyfriend. If you can't cry to me then I'm useless," Levi rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me that," I pouted. "I just…"

"It's okay to be sad," Levi grumbled as he held onto me.

I was in denial to my mom's death. No, that couldn't be right. I was there when she took her last breath. I felt her cold hands. I saw them take away her body. I couldn't deny that. I couldn't move on, because I couldn't accept that truth. Levi said that it takes a long time for people to accept the truth. It was a natural thing. But if I wanted to help my family, my father, I had to start trying to accept the truth.

 **Thanks for reading guys! I love you all. I can't wait to come back to write more. Anyways, my mom passed away recently. I would honestly just tell you guys, but I also have another motive. I made a fundraiser to fund my mother's funeral. You guys aren't expected to donate, but it would be nice. I would also love it if you guys could share this on fb. Here is the page: w43q2a2a. I'll also put it on my profile. So yea, my life. Them hmong funerals doe. I'll be back soon with Prized Possession... I mean... i am out of school now.**


End file.
